That Blind Squirrel Finds An Acorn Thing (Internet Version).

My friend Richard Ruch is a serious spammer, but we forgive him because the man has, well, problems. For one thing, the bar where he spends several hours every day is about to close for five or six or more weeks and he is sore distraught.

Now and again, something he passes along to hundreds of long-suffering internet users catches my eye. This was one such, just received (and, yes, the color scheme, typography and other eye-damaging formats came with it):

Talking Pennsylvanian
Once a Pennsylvanian, ALWAYS a Pennsylvanian!
About Pennsylvanians:
You’ve never referred to Philadelphia as anything
but “Philly” and New Jersey has always been “Jersey”
You refer to Pennsylvania as “PA” (pronounced
Pee-ay). How many other states do that?
“You guys” is a perfectly acceptable reference to
a group of men and women
You know how to respond to the question
(Did you eat yet?)
You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre,
Schuylkill, the Pocono’s, Tamaqua, Tunkannock, Bala
Cynwyd, Duquesne and Monongahela.
And we know Lancaster is pronounced Lank aster,
not Lan kaster.
You know what a “Mummer” is, and are disappointed
if you can’t catch at least highlights of the parade.
You know what “Punxsutawney Phil” is, and what it
means if he sees his shadow.
The first day of buck and the first day of
doe season are school holidays.
At least five people on your block have electric
“candles” in all or most of their windows all year long.
You know what a “State Store” is, and your
out-of-state friends find it incredulous that you
can’t purchase liquor at the mini-mart.
Words like “hoagie,” “crick,” “chipped ham,” “dippy eggs”,
“sticky buns,” “shoo-fly pie,” “lemon sponge pie”, “pierogies”
and “pocketbook” actually mean something to you.
That’s PA slang for purse!
You can eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know
others who do the same. Those from NY find this “barbaric.”
You not only have heard of Birch Beer,
but you know it comes in several colors.
You know the difference between a cheese steak and
a pizza steak sandwich, and know that you can’t get a really
good one outside PA,
except Atlantic City on the boardwalk.
You live for summer, when street and county fairs
signal the beginning
of funnel cake season.
You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Paradise, Mt. Pleasant, Climax,
Bird-in-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Mars,
and Slippery Rock are PA towns.
(and the first three were consecutive stops on the Reading RR).
You know what a township, borough, and commonwealth is.
You can identify drivers from New York, New Jersey, Maryland
or other neighboring states by their
unique and irritating driving habits.
A traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a horse-drawn
carriage on the highway
in Lancaster County .
You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your female passengers
know how to use them.
Driving is always better in winter because the
potholes are filled with snow.
As a kid you built snow forts and leaf piles that were
taller than you were.
You know beer doesn’t grow in a garden
but you know where to find a beer garden.
You also know someone who lives “down the lane”.
You actually understand all this and send it on
to other Pennsylvanians for former Pennsylvanians!
And send it to people that never lived in PA
and confuse Them
Because Nice Matters


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